Mini Sermons

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Double Edged Sword

This time of year is a double edged sword for many people… we all have things to be happy about but there are also many memories that cause us to reflect on our lives…. Are we were we want to be? Are we going in the right direction? We might miss someone who has passed,  just moved out of our lives, or  people we want to spend the Christmas season with.  

I left of the story of my life back in “Chameleon” with leaving the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.  It seemed the pressure from my peers and society was too much to bear so I went back to my ex husband.  We were remarried in January 1995.  I made a choice, a choice to live as society thought I should. 

I delved into a live of religion, church and family… trying to leave behind all the things I knew were right.  We had two more kids, I was a stay at home mom, homeschooled, gardened, and took care of him.

I left him two years ago today and I have been introspecting about the questions posed in the beginning of this post. 

Am I were I want to be?  Yes, I am happier now than I have been in my 42 years… I am now the person I was made to be.  Not pretending to be someone I am not.

Am I on the right path? I believe so, life is a journey, are there things I long for?  Yes but I am traveling a road to fulfill those dreams… one thing that age has taught me is that good things come to those who wait. 

Are there people I want to spend Christmas with?  Yes, and I am so excited this year I get to spend Christmas eve morning with all four of my kids… I can’t wait but I also desire a family unit, that special someone to shop with, wrap with, bake with, and build new traditions with.  That is my double edged sword this year but I know it will come in time.

I saw a wall hanging in a store the other day that read, “It’s never too late to live happily ever after.”

 I know it is true…..

This year use your double edged sword for a positive….  Change the things you can change, accept the things you can’t and be content with where you are today because it’s all you have.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

The gift of Love and Acceptance

I heard a commercial on the radio a couple days ago that keeps ringing in my ears.  It went something like this.
Someone you know and love may give you the gift of coming out this Christmas season.  Give them the gift of love and acceptance.

It was a commercial for Flint Hills PFLAG (Parents Family and Friends of Gay and Lesbians) http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=539. Visit this site for more information.

It has me thinking about how lucky I have been with my family.  Love and Acceptance have characterized what I have experienced with them.  Does that mean they agree?  Not at all…but they are willing to overlook our difference of opinion to continue to have me as part of their family and for that I am truly grateful. 

Not all of my friends and acquaintances have been so lucky.  Some have been disowned, some have abandoned their families because of the judgment they feel, real or imagined.

There are two sides to this situation, as there always is.  We all have responsibility. 

We tend to think it is not ok to disagree on this issue and still love each other.

During the holidays let’s all respect each other and show love if we agree or not.  Let’s agree to disagree. 

To the gay and lesbian:  Put your need for approval of this issue aside and accept the love your family is willing to give you.   Be respectful of family members in your show of affection for your partner.   Just be who you are, don’t feel like you have to change their minds, prove you are right. 

My sister tells me periodically when the subject comes up that she loves me, she accepts me and my partner, but she does not agree with my sexual orientation.  Some of you would take this as an attack, it would instigate anger, I take it as her loving me enough to tell me the truth.  We have a great relationship; in fact she is my best friend.  We agree to disagree.

To family and friends:   Love your daughter, son, mom or dad, sister or brother, like you did before you knew.  This does not change who they are on the inside.  They are still the person you knew and loved.  They did not just wake up one morning a changed person…they have been this way forever, you just didn’t know.  You should feel honored that they are willing to let you in on this part of their life.  Many people you know live this lifestyle in secret, not willing to suffer the real and imagined consequences of living truthfully.  It is a shame that once this truth is discovered relationships tend to change.

I guess once again it goes back to living a real life.  Not pretending.   Just be who you are.  You do not have to prove a point. And this goes for both sides… Gays and Lesbians do not have to prove what they are doing is right and families don’t have to try to change their loved one…

Put your personal feelings and agenda’s aside and love each other. 

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Holiday Blahs

The last few days have been blah for me.  Not sure why, in fact I am in one of the best places I have ever been in my life.  Things just seem to be going my way on most fronts.   I have great friends, a warm house, good kids, a job that I love… a job… Maybe that is the reason for my blahs… not that I have a job…

 Job=Money, Money=Happiness…

Money is tight everywhere and happiness seems to be diminishing.  

Money isn’t everything but it sure makes the world go around and affects our moods.  During the holidays it seems to get worse….working in retail I have seen a shift in attitudes. 

Being a single mom in a single income house doesn’t leave much extra for the holidays.  I think of all the things I want to do and gifts I would love to give then reality sinks in…. barely scraping by every month doesn’t leave much for the extras. 

I know I am not alone in this.  There are many people without jobs, others who have taken cuts in pay, barely scrapping  wondering how they are gonna do all the things they want to do this Christmas.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are not about what we can buy…although the marketers for Black Friday think so… they are about being thankful for what we have;  Thankful for family, friends, warm beds, food on the table even if it isn’t a full spread turkey dinner, thankful  for the reason for the holidays. 

Thanksgiving… we live in a free country. 

Christmas…we are free from the bondage of sin and death

Freedom is something we take for granted daily and something we disrespect by putting ourselves in the bondage produced by thinking money is everything…. 

Monday, November 14, 2011

Chameleon

I left the story in the last post with meeting the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. That was in 1993.  We lived together, I went to school, and raised a couple little ones for a year and a half.   We loved each other and worked well together on building a home.  I was young and not secure with myself or my sexuality. 

At this point in my life I was doing what I wanted, needed to do.  Many people in my life were telling me I was wrong; that my relationship with her was wrong.  Emotionally I was up and down.   I was searching spiritually for the right path.   One day a couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses came to the door and I let them in.   It was obvious from family pictures on the wall that we were a couple.  They brought out the Bible and pointed out all the verses that condemned homosexuality.   My partner got angry with them and tore one of the pages out of her Bible and told them…”well it doesn’t say that now does it”. 

I have been a chameleon all my life.  I learned to change my behavior and my desires based on what was going on around me or what the people around me wanted.  With all the peer and family pressure my reactionary personality took over.  Although I loved her, I left her.  I thought it was better that way.  Make everyone else happy, and God happy too.

Being a chameleon is not a fun way to live nor is it very happy.  It also causes a lot of pain for the people you are trying to change for.  You can only be someone you are not for so long.  Then you break and people get hurt and confused.  Many times they try to change you back to what you had become.  When we wear masks...or misrepresent ourselves we are doing an injustice to ourselves and others.
  
This was not the end of that behavior for me; in fact I struggle daily with not reacting to the desires of others; wanting to change me in order to make others happy.   One thing I have discovered in the last couple years is that I have to know myself before I can put an end to this madness…   Getting to know your self is not fun work either J

Today I am ME nothing more…. Nothing less…

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Did you know?

When people find out I am a lesbian one of the first questions they ask is “when did you know?”  I look back and think about this question a lot.

I grew up in a small town… population -50 as referred to by Cory who is from California… with very small town mentality.  I don’t even think I knew there was such a thing as a lesbian until I was 19.  What I do know is that I felt closer to my girlfriends and was more distraught about losing one of them than I ever was losing a boy…  don’t get me wrong I had boyfriends and did the whole dating thing… a little too much.

I got married at 20. That is early and I barely knew the man, we had only known each other for 3 months when we got married.  Looking back I know that I was just looking for a stable life.  Not that my childhood was unstable but I was not comfortable being alone.  I was not comfortable with who I was.  I think that had a lot to do with not knowing who I was. 

I married and alcoholic which I knew nothing about either and in the beginning didn’t realize because I was drinking right along with him.  When I got pregnant, on our honeymoon, I started to see the light…. A little too late….

I was working as a hairstylist so I got to know a lot of people… different kinds of people… my world opened up.   I fell for one of my clients and realized it was more than just wanting to be best friends with her… being married I put it in the back of my mind.

Things went downhill fast in our marriage… by the time we were married for two years his alcoholism had gotten much worse… he was not working… so I was supporting the family, cleaning the house, taking care of the baby and I was pregnant again and he was suggesting a threesome… “bring a good looking girl home with you”  I was afraid to do that because I knew that was very dangerous for our marriage.  But I started exploring my sexuality.

After I had my 2nd baby things were really bad in the marriage and I left him.   I knew at this point that I did not want to be with a man… that my love was going to be a woman. 

I had a two year old and a 6 month old at this time and I worked full time so there was not much time for a social life but I found  time and eventually met the woman  I thought I would spend the rest of my life with…..

I don’t know if this answers the question of “did you know?”  It is my opinion that no parent in their right mind would encourage same sex relationships because of the hardship it puts on them.  Not that my parents knew.

Society is definitely heterosexual promoting so even if I knew I would have suppressed it and gotten married because it was the “right thing to do”.  

That suppression of who I am caused many hardships and caused a lot of pain for me and others….so again I say pretend NO more… 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Make a Difference

Sometimes life is better than others.  Sometimes life for one is better than for another.  Perspective plays a big role in this but also the people you surround yourself with make a huge difference.  I was contemplating something my kids said yesterday…..

Saturday morning:  house full of kids and a mom, all of which had very little sleep.  It could have made for a very ugly thing.  The kids have fun on their agenda; mom has the tornado stricken house on hers.  I start sounding like my mom all of a sudden… “We are not going anywhere until this house is clean” totally expecting to be met with resistance.  They all get up and start cleaning?  Ok go with it….

I walk into the kitchen; son and daughter are in the extremely small kitchen at the sink doing dishes… mom is perplexed but happy.  Daughter says “look, at dads we can’t get along while doing the dishes, but here we work together”.   I didn’t think to ask her why that was but I should have.

All day all I pondered why this happens… all the time… everywhere…  We can get along with certain people some of the time, depending on our situation or surroundings….

Like it or not we are affected by the people we give our time to, if they are negative we become negative. If they are positive we tend to be more positive.  The old phrase “shit rolls down hill” really does apply to every day of our lives, but it doesn’t have to be shit…. We alone can change the atmosphere if we are not willing to let others moods and opinions affect us.  “It is harder to bring someone up than to pull them down” is another phrase that comes to mind but notice it doesn’t say it is impossible… just harder…

Make it your goal today to make someone in your life happier, you never know what their real struggle is. Your smile and kind words could make a difference.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Time Heals... or is it LOVE

My oldest son is very philosophical and a couple days ago we were talking about feeling loved…. He said something that had caused me to contemplate… He said that he needed to feel loved by people outside of the expected circle… family…  He told me of course that my love was important but that others who were not bound to him by blood made a bigger impact when they showed unconditional love.  It is so true… I know that I am loved by my mom and dad, sister, brother, kids…. But those who don’t HAVE to love me and do anyway remind me that I am worthy of love….  I was reading over some of my old writings and this one stuck out today… I hope it reminds you to love others…..

Written Dec 2010
They say time heals… whoever THEY are.  They say a lot of things you know and they are usually right (half the time anyway).  We all have a 50/50 chance of being right.  Who knows which 50 is the right 50? 

I don’t think it is time that heals, I think it is time that dulls the pain makes us forget somehow just how bad things were.  By forgetting we regain some hope for the future.  It is my opinion that LOVE heals.  Love covers a multitude of sins; love gives us what we need to love ourselves.  The love that I refer to is the unconditional kind.  The love that is there no matter what, that overlooks our mistakes in hopes that we will learn from them.  Love that tells us we are all that matters; that we are worth something.  This love is the love that God has for us and that should be enough…and many times it is.  But God made us relational creatures.  We want relationship with real flesh and blood…these relationships should give us a small view of the love our God has for us.   I have found that love in the flesh and it is very healing.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. 
   Love never gives up. 
   Love cares more for others than for self. 
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. 
   Love doesn't strut, 
   Doesn't have a swelled head, 
   Doesn't force itself on others, 
   Isn't always "me first," 
   Doesn't fly off the handle, 
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, 
   Doesn't revel when others grovel, 
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, 
   Puts up with anything, 
   Trusts God always, 
   Always looks for the best, 
   Never looks back, 
   But keeps going to the end.
   Love never dies.


Cherish LOVE today my friends….

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

No Problems, Only Solutions

Tuesday morning started out like any other day.  Got up, got the kids ready for school and we head out.  We are standing on the porch getting ready to walk to the car when from the tree falls a large object.  It bounces off the car and lands on the ground.  My car is parked beneath a large oak tree and it is not abnormal to see things fall.  More times than not a squirrel is throwing things at it. This particular morning the thing that fell was big enough to be the squirrel itself.  I am aghast, thinking that the thing that fell is going to get up and run away, that silly squirrel lost its footing…. Nothing moved.  Everyone stood still for what felt like minute.
I am the first to exclaim, “What was that” in a rather loud voice that may have contained explicit language if my children weren’t present.  My oldest son said “didn’t you see th owl fly away?”  and then I knew… it was dead, but what was it.  We all walked slowly over to see the lump on the ground to find a rather large, headless rat!  All four of us had differing reactions to the scene below the tree.
I was appalled, my stomach hurt and I couldn’t even look at it…. I can take many things.  Spiders, snakes, mice, but RATS!  I hate rats… even dead, headless rats.

My youngest started taking pictures of it… most probably to show all his friends at school that morning the coolest thing since sliced bread.

My daughter was mildly grossed out and went to get in the car laughing about how freaked out I was.

My oldest son was laughing at me as well, it didn’t seem to faze him much.  Living in the country for most of his pre-adolescent years and butchering chickens and turkeys must have hardened him to the sight of a headless animal… He said “the circle of life mom” and later on a Facebook post he thanked the owl for making me almost throw up….

Before this morning adventure had taken place I had written an unposted blog about our life view; Pessimists, optimists, and realists of whom we had all three in our group that morning plus one more view that I had not included… indifference.  I decided that the blog I had written was boring.... This example was much more fun… if that’s the right word.

We all have our life view… how we react to situations in life… how we react to life in general… we can see the negative in everything, or we can try to see the positive.  We can see reality or we can choose to ignore it.
  
Working in retail daily and seeing upwards of 500 ppl every day I see all three but it seems that the pessimist is much more vocal about their negative view.  Maybe thinking everyone around them thinks negative too, maybe wanting ppl to feel bad for them or their situation? They are generally unhappy…

 The optimist sees the problem or situation thinks positive.  Usually if you do know about their problems they downplay them and give a positive that has happened or that they expect to happen.  The realist looks at the reality of the situation, sometimes negative, sometimes positive, most of the time they say “it is what it is”.   We all know the indifferent too…. The situation doesn’t exist….or it doesn’t matter.

I like to think of myself as an optimist but I am really more of a realist.  A long time ago I adopted a motto that I saw on a business…. “no problems, only solutions”  of course there are problems in life, like a headless squirrel falling from a tree, but for every problem there is a solution.  Sometimes the solutions are not fun and take time to work out.  I’m reminded of the time I took college algebra… complicated 1 line problems with 2 or 3 page solutions.  Logic and strategy; put them in motion and forget the problem… focus on the solution!!  

My solution for the rat…. Ordering the realist son to take it to the trash so I didn’t have to see it anymore… and hoping the owl didn’t have its sights set on my cats…  Remember… not everyone will like your solution…. The son did not want to take the rat to the trash….The owl would prefer to eat the cats….

As I look around at the many people I encounter during the day I wish I could help some of them see the good in life because life is too short to be unhappy.  We miss so much good because we focus on the bad…… remember my motto “NO problems, ONLY solutions”  

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

If the shoe fits....

I like clichés or old saying and proverbs…  I looked up the meaning to this one because it has been on my mind lately.

Ask.com says…. If it applies, take it to heart.  The only history I could find was from the early 18th century.  It was originally “if the cap fits”… under the influence of the Cinderella story it could also be heard as “If the slipper fits”…

This saying is most often used with a negative connotation but as we see in the Cinderella story it was good for her that the slipper fit.

We often take what people say to heart and many times get angry because we think they are talking directly to us.  Ever been in a church service when you thought the preacher had been stalking you and was laying your whole life out before the congregation?  I have.  Ever been passing by a conversation and know they were talking about you because of something you heard? I have.  Has anyone ever been talking to you about someone else but you were convinced they were using the other person as an example for you to get a point?  I have.  Ever read someone’s Face book post and  could swear they wrote it to you?  I have.
These moments are time to give the phrase “If the shoe fits” some thought.   It is a time to look inward and see if there might be something to what you heard….  The sermon or conversation quite possibly had NOTHING to do with you directly except that it struck some sort of nerve.  It is time explore the idea that it’s not about the other person, it’s about something inside trying to get your attention.  It’s time to decide if there is something you should do about what you felt.

On the other side of this coin; ever got a compliment that you totally disregarded and disagreed with?  These are also times to examine your true self and say thank you “if the shoe fits” instead of debating the subject….
We all have a conscience inside that picks up on the little things and alerts us to become better people, unfortunately we rebel against it and let anger get the best of us.  Every situation, every conversation, every sermon, every blog holds a little truth for each of us… it’s what we decide to do with it that matters. 
The Cinderella story has a lot to offer this subject.  The prince took the shoe around to all the beautiful princesses tried the shoe on for size….Some princesses found that only part of their foot would fit it… sometimes we should take part of what we hear (the truth), make ourselves better and leave the rest…. Some of their feet would be totally engulfed by the shoe….in these times we might have something to feel sorry for or apologize for.   But Cinderella… the shoe fit perfectly and she became a princess … we all can become the  princess we were meant to be and live happily ever after if we just take responsibly, own who we are, and try to be the best person possible….

If the shoe fits…. Wear it

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Faith Filled Rebellion 4

Paul tells us not to let others judge us by their traditions, their expectations
Vs 18-19 tell us to stay connected to God/Jesus and not fall into the trap of false humility or mysticism.
“Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize.  Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions.  He has lost connection with the head, from whom the whole body is supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.”
Here I think it is worthy to mentions the fact that he says “don’t let anyone who delights in false humility or the worship of angels disqualify you”.  The fact that he puts someone with false humility and angel worshipers in the same category suggest they both suffer from idolatry.   The NASB uses the term Self Abasement in place of false humility. In psychology, abasement is associated with shame (rather than guilt) and it is said to involve the reduction of the subject's self-esteem.  I have found much of my Christian life has been kept in check by shame rather than guilt.  Not feelings as though God is convicting me but feeling the shame the culture put on the issues that I have faced.  It has also been my experience that many Christians with false humility have tried to disqualify me for the prize based on their own pretense of sinlessness.     Earlier I asked how many of us have sinned this week/ or today… How many of you raised your hands because that is what Christians are supposed to do?  I imagine some of you cannot identify a “sin” that you have committed?  This week? Today?  You do not have to raise your hand but I know you are out there; probably many of you.  How do I know this?   I used to be sinless…. in my own mind. Oh sure I knew I was a “sinner”…. but by the Grace of God I was no longer sinning.  I went weeks/ months/ years without sinning and feeling more self righteous by the second.  And, I told many sinners they were going to hell for their sins if they did not stop right now! I was one of the people Paul is warning you about in this passage.  Oh yes there are many of us out there.  And the longer you stay in that position the harder you fall; at least in the eyes of yourself and the people around you.  God already knew you were still sinning and he loved you anyway.  Many of the people around you see your self- righteousness as well.  Sometimes that keeps them away from God and the church instead of drawing them closer.  They think things like…. If that is Christianity I don’t want any part of it.   Who died and made her God?  Who does she think she is talking to me like that?   She is too “Godly” for me to be around/ pray with/ study with, etc.  False humility = idolatry.   We worship ourselves… the created rather than the creator. 
Again Paul warns us against legalism. V20-23
“Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules:  Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!  These things are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings.  Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.”
Paul’s words are harsh here he says, they have an appearance of wisdom but lack value.  Legalism, false humility, following all the rules definitely has the appearance of wisdom.  People can see what good Christians we are when we follow all the rules.   I am not saying that rules are bad.  What I am saying and what I believe Paul is tryting to get across is this: following the rules for the sake of saving face does nothing for the heart.  He also wants us to be aware  that mans laws are perishable.  That they change with the times, that even sometimes our interpretation of the Bible changes over time.  He wants us to keep our eyes focused on Christ who is as it says in vs. 17, the true reality.  Christ changes our hearts, not laws and behavior and that is what He wants, our heart, our true self.
When we think of rebellion we don't usually associate it with being Godly or not.  But here I believe that Paul is telling us to rebel, rebel against anything except Jesus and the message of the Gospel.   We are to have faith-filled rebellion against legalism, worldly philosophies, and false humility.  We are to question the things we are being taught and test them through Jesus not through the basic principles of this world.  Faith-filled rebellion means being real, it means rebelling against the idea that the church is to be filled with perfect, non-sinning people.  It means rebelling against satan and the idea that we are unworthy to work for God based on our perceived sin status.  God can work through everyone and does.  Remember the man in the video?  He broke free, took off his mask.  He was considered a rebel, the faceless people ran after him trying to bring him back in alignment, to put his mask back on.  He knew he was on the right path so he continued through the pain of rejection, through the persistent taunting, pleading, and condemnation of the people around him.  At first he forced people to take their masks off too, but in the end people saw his freedom and wanted it for themselves….  His rebellion started a revolution.   Faith- filled rebellion will bring about a revolution for Christ.  It will bring us back to the truth of the Gospel…
**********  
It is my hopes that reading this will give you one of two things... 
Understanding that you are living a faceless and false life and it is time to take off your mask and get real
The knowledge that the faceless people who have been chasing you or who have abandoned you because you don't fit in are indeed in the same boat you are... they have something in their life that they are covering with their mask and they are under the false impression that they can discard it by pretending.
Either way the search for happiness ends when you can accept who you are and not be ashamed of it based on other peoples views and philosophies....
I am not saying you have to shout it to the world no matter which you suffer from because we always want to be considerate of others but I believe inner peace is what everyone is striving for in life; When we are pretending that is something we do not have.... That is the alarm system that has been installed in us from birth

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Faith Filled Rebellion 3

If you are new to this blog this is a piece i wrote in 2009... There is one more in this series... so read the last two and come back for the last one....  All Biblical references are from the NIV.
How can I work for God when I have this in my life?  Whether it is sin or just something socially unacceptable you feel unworthy.  That feeling of unworthiness keeps us bound and not spreading the gospel.  The truth my friends, will set you free.  When you are no longer living in fear you are free to live for Christ as YOU.  Not as the person you want everyone to see you as, not as who you are expected to be…. YOU!  The you that God made.   As Episcopal Priest,  Elizabeth Canham once said: “There is no freedom like seeing myself as I am and not losing heart.  Or as Popeye once said “I am what I am and that’s all that I am” 
These feelings are universal and timeless, in Colossians Paul’s writes about this very issue let’s start in chapter 1 in verse 21 -
“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.  But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation – if you continue in your faith established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel.”
 Paul is reminding the Colossians that the faith they had established was the Gospel message, Jesus had died, was buried, on the third day he rose again, and he would return to take them with Him.  It was not the book of the law (they only had the old testament at this time)… and all gazillion laws written in it; simply faith in Jesus as their savior, redeemer, and Lord.   He says you were alienated in your “minds” because of your evil behavior.  They must have been feeling somewhat unworthy, like their sin and past lives were too unbearable or I don’t think Paul would have addressed it like this.  He told them just how God sees them now that they are reconciled by Jesus, not the world or what their minds were telling them. 
Christians were considered rebels at this time. 
The world was telling them they were wrong but Jesus was telling them they were holy and without blemish, free from accusation.  This does not mean they were free from sin or sinless… it meant they believed in Jesus and that was enough.
Later on in the letter to the Colossians he addresses the fact that there were false prophets, and many worldly traditions that men wanted them to follow.    Lets pick up in Colossians 2:6
Ch 2 vs 6-8
“So then just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.  See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.
Again, Paul is warning them against looking to the world for their standards.  He warns them to not become a prisoner to the worlds philosophy but instead listen to Christ and depend on him.  These worldly philosophies are as common in today’s western culture as they were nearly 2000 years ago when this book was written.  Many of us never question things that are taught to us.   We take what is told to us in school, on tv, and in church as truth when many times there are multiple sides to the story and we are only hearing parts or even falsehoods.  Paul is warning us not to do this.  He is encouraging us to question what we are taught.  He is telling us to use the strength given us and hold to the truth of the Gospel of Jesus.  That truth being that Jesus died, was buried, and on the third day resurrected all to bring us into relationship with God; to cover our sins.
 V 9-15
“For in Christ all fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ who is the head over every power and authority.  In him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with the circumcision done by the hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, having been buried with him in baptism and raised with him through your faith in the power of God who raised Him from the dead.
When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ.  He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.  And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.”
Jesus died and took all our sins away.  We were unclean, uncircumcised and he bought us with that huge price; His life.   He did not say get clean first or now never sin again or even try to be good.  No he took all our sins, past, present, and future and threw them to the bottom of the ocean.  He reconciled us to himself once for all times.  And we have been given the fullness of Christ.  The same power that raised Christ from the dead is in us.  We are more than worthy to work for God no matter our “sin” state.
Paul again warns us against listening to culture… vs.16 -17
“Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day.  These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.”
The culture of this time put much emphasis on tradition and ritual.  Our western culture does as well.   Although many of us say that we do not hold to tradition or ritual when we find ourselves in a different type of church it is odd and hard to worship.  I recently changed churches.  I had come from a contemporary, small town church, with a loud band and a particular order to service on which you could count each week.  While church hunting I went to many different churches but was drawn to look for a church with a similar structure as the previous.  You can imagine my surprise when I felt like God was calling me to attend a church that sang two songs, one at the beginning and one at the end of service, from a hymnal that I am very unfamiliar with, and a much different order of service than I was used to.   It was uncomfortable.  I realized at that time that part of my experience in church was based on tradition and culture.  I was tempted to say, well that church isn’t for me because it doesn’t have what I need.  It does this or it doesn’t do that… but I listened to God and he said… That is where I want you.
The man in the video clip (posted in part 2) was charged with treason for removing his mask.  Much the same happens with us when we decide to “rebel” against the tradition.  We are looked upon with accusing eyes, there are snickers  behind our backs.  We feel more and more unworthy because we are not accepted by the whole, the majority. How many of us are afraid to lift our hands in worship until we peek out to see if anyone else is lifting theirs?  Someone had to lift first, someone had to rebel against all those who were not lifting their hands.  It is much the same when we reveal our lives to each other and become real, take off our mask, we are in defiance to the traditions of this world and we are judged, but it is somewhat of a chain reaction.  One person has to start the revolution.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Faith Filled Rebellion 2



 In this video the man takes off his mask…. he becomes real and is considered the rebel. 
Was he rebelling against God?  No he was rebelling against the “norm” or status quo.  He had have to have faith in something to take his mask off?
Does God ask us all to be faceless people? Does he ask us to be all alike?
Do WE expect everyone to be like us? Or at least to conform to the “rules”?
If someone does not conform do we chase after them with our own standards and rules until they do? And if they don’t give up do we have a stand off with them… thinking “My way is better than yours… you are an outsider now”.  Leave them for dead... or at least as going to hell....
This feeling of division or separation that we feel because of “sin” has more to do with what the world (or our peer group) says to us about sin than the fact that we sinned.  We get guilty feelings about things we ourselves don’t consider sin because our world calls it bad.  When we do something that is perceived as sin our family and friends are there to chase us down like they did the man in the video and make us conform, to put our mask back on without ever asking where we are with God. They base their judgment on their standards of sin and disobedience.   Don’t get me wrong here.  We all sin.   We are all sinners.    And we are to try to help our brothers and sisters out of sin, but we must be careful about condemning and judging them or placing our version of right and wrong on them.
When we finally get the courage to be who we are there are plenty of people there to judge us.  To make us feel as though we have let God down… whether it is a piercing, a tattoo, having a drink, who we choose to love…and make us feel unworthy. Like we have to hide or put our mask back on and pretend.
 Are we listening to the world or the Word?  Is there scripture to back up that feeling of unworthiness?  Or the feeling God doesn’t like us anymore?    I went in search of the verses that we all seem to know but can’t quit remember their address.   This is what I found.
I did a quick search in the NIV concordance there are around 125 verses on sin: 
57 of the verses talk about God’s Forgiveness….his atonement…. In other words His taking our sins away with no conditions or obligation.  Not his condemnation or shunning us for our sin.  In fact Romans 8:1 says “ Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”
I found 54 verses acknowledge that sin is….. Crouching at our door and that we don’t get what we deserve when it comes to sin, that sin without faith leads to death.
            7 on Jesus sinless state
            3 that we should confess our sins
God knows everything  He knows we are all have secrets in our lives and even tells us that we should not deny that:  (1 John 1:8) “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”    
“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless (over sin), Christ died for the ungodly   Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us  
Since we have now been justified by his blood how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him!” Romans 5:6-9
This passage is quite clear… we don’t have to be perfect when we come to Christ and we will never be perfect while we are in Christ.  
Our world uses our circumstances, actions, words, inaction, etc  to keep us tied down, bound,  ineffective for God based on their standards.  We start to believe our “sin” is proof that we are not worthy, as a reminder of how low we are and how “Godly” everyone else is, you know they don’t sin. J   You see, the truth is  all of us have at least one thing that we are hiding.  One “sin” or part of our life that we believe, if anyone else knew about, would disqualify us as worthy people let alone faith filled people.  It would ruin our testimony.   We are unwilling to share it with anyone so we are tied down with fear…. Fear of someone finding out, fear of being called out on it.  Fear….  
I believe that living in fear and pretending it isn’t there, hiding it…. disqualifies us more than everyone knowing.  The secrets that we keep separate us from God.  If we don’t acknowledge it to Him we think He won’t know.  It keeps us separated and feeling unworthy and isolated from God and people.  We pretend no one else has a secret like ours.  We pretend that we are the only one struggling with something. We pretend that no one knows.  We pretend, we pretend, we pretend…. pretending keeps us isolated. 
Alone

Friday, September 30, 2011

Faith Filled Rebellion part 1

I tried to add a page to my blog entitled Mini Sermons... for devotions and writings that are not necessarily personal but that I have written in the past.  Blogger doesn't let you do that so I guess they will be all on one page.  

This was written for a workshop I gave a couple years ago and I wanted to share its concept. I picked this concept to start with because we all deal with and have been brainwashed that if you do A B or C you can not be a Christian, I have come to know this is not true.   I have edited it for easier reading since it was written to be presented with audience participation… answer the questions for yourself and feel free to share with friends and comment…  It  will be posted in several successive blogs because it was written for a 45 min presentation.  Hope you enjoy it.
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I know you are wondering, what is faith-filled rebellion.  As I have been preparing to come to this conference many people asked me what I was going to talk about.  When I told them the name of the workshop they would laugh and say how can that be?  It is impossible to have faith-filled rebellion.  We all have a preconceived notion as to what rebellion is….  
When you hear the word Rebellion what come to mind?                                                             
The dictionary.com says:
Rebellion is a refusal of obedience or order [1]. It may, therefore, be seen as encompassing a range of behaviors from civil disobedience and mass nonviolent resistance, to violent and organized attempts to destroy an established authority such as the government.
A lot of us equate rebellion with sin….  We are rebelling against God when we sin. We are disobeying rules... but who's rules
What do you think of when you think of sin?  When you list sins do you think they are all inclusive?  Example….That _____ is a sin for everyone?  If it is a sin for you it is wrong for everyone else? 
I believe that some of the things that we consider sin are not really sins.... but some of them might not be beneficial to us.
Some things lead to sin for us or another that are not necessarily sin, so it is better for us to stay away from them… 1 Cor. 6:12 and 10:23
(1cor 6:12)            “Everything is permissible for me- but not everything is beneficial.  Everything is permissible for me- but I will not be mastered.”
(1 cor 10:23)       “Everything is permissible – but not everything is beneficial.  Everything is permissible-but not everything is constructive.  Nobody should seek his own good but the good of others.”
 Also, sin can be something we fail to do….
 (James 4:17)       “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins”
Most things we call sins today are ways to keep civil obedience in the church and in our societies.  They are man made laws based on our culture and what we believe is right or wrong.  In The God You Never Knew Marcus Borg writes “There is an enculturated sense of sin and guilt that has little or nothing to do with God.  The messages of our socialization (religious and secular) get internalized within our psyches as the critical voice of the superego, the police officer and judge in our head.”  We may have heard them from our parents, on TV, in church, or in school but they were designed by men to keep order.
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We take these messages out to the world and judge others based on our own sense of sin and guilt.  One thing I know is that I can not judge a person based on any outward appearance.  Many people appear to be something they are not. 

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

More on Revenge

It has been a while since my last post but life issues sometimes take precedence and when you have teenagers there seems to be life issues…. Some of the things going on are far to sensitive to talk about at this point in time but stay tuned…

My last post spoke of hurt…. Revenge… vulnerability…. These seem to be some of life’s constants.  Really it is what we do with them that counts.  We are not responsible for what others do or say but we are responsible for ourselves.  We can take the things people do and feel like a victim or we can stand up and see the truth of the matter.

My personality is, like many others, very sensitive.  I have a low self esteem; I often feel less than others, I wonder why anyone would like me.  I often take what people say personally even if they are not speaking of me. (That comes from years of dealing with passive aggressive people… you know the ones who try to make a point or be mean by using examples)  I have learned to deal with that insecurity by knowing the truth.  It has taken a long time for me to learn the truth about myself because I always believed what others said or what I thought they were trying to say. 

In truth, when people are being mean and hurtful, seeking revenge, they are saying more about what kind of person they are; Very unhappy, vulnerable people, trying to make themselves feel better by hurting another. 
  
We have all been hurt and we have all hurt others, it makes us who we are today. 

If you are seeking revenge I beg you to see that you are just perpetuating hurt not healing.  Stop and look at the hurt within and learn from it.  Move on.  Forgiveness is much more freeing than revenge.

 If you are the victim of revenge, know that the person is acting out of hurt, wanting you to hurt as much as they do…..don’t be a victim… know the truth.
“Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

 Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."

Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good”.  The message 14-21

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

REVENGE


Wow… what a day… I told you this blog wasn’t for the light hearted.

I won’t go into all the gory details but revenge is a horrible thing especially when it hurts others.

I admitted in my first blog that I am a lesbian.  Just admitting that makes me a monster in some people eyes.   I don’t understand that.   Why does being gay make you think I am immoral, a bad parent, an unproductive citizen, non-Christian, prone to poor decisions, and a bad influence?  Why?  Do you know many gay people?  Are the ones you know monsters?  You probably know more than you think because they are afraid of the stereotype put on them so they don’t announce it… Nor should they, you don’t go around announcing you are heterosexual do you?

Even if you think that same sex relationships are a sin…. Do you think the same way about obese people?  Gluttony is a sin.  Do you think that all overweight people are going to hell?  Do you look at them with disgust?  Whisper about them…. I have said it many times… we have gossips, alcoholics, gluttons, and porn addicts teaching our Sunday School classes but if you are openly gay… you are not even welcome to attend Sunday service without being ridiculed….

How about you… are you without sin?  Does that make you a bad parent?  And unproductive citizen?  Prone to bad decisions and chaos? Non-Christian? A bad influence? 

For the record, I do not believe that loving same sex relationships are sin in God’s eyes. 

Revenge is what takes place when one person in hurt and they want to get even.  We start out hurt, and then we get angry.  This is the normal healing process denial, hurt, anger, forgiveness.  But we don’t go on to forgiveness…  We go on to revenge…  Revenge does not help anyone, not even the person who is acting out.
“But, just as with hiding the hurt, revenge does not heal the hurt either. That’s because all hurt, at its core, is simply a reminder of your essential human vulnerability and helplessness. Even if you kill the person who hurts you, you still remain vulnerable to another attack from someone else. With all revenge, then, you might temporarily feel powerful, but the feeling is just an illusion. No matter what you do, you remain vulnerable to attack from anyone, anywhere. http://www.chastitysf.com/healing.htm

Right now my family is being victimized by someone with a vengeful heart… someone seeking revenge for their hurt.  I pray for that person, and I pray for our family to survive this hurt. 

We have already been through so much but I guess they say “God doesn’t give you any more than you can handle”  He has a lot more faith in me than I do right now, but I’m gonna be strong and prove him right.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Would the REAL ME please stand up

Still trying to figure out which direction to go with this blog.  Yeah, that’s the truth.  I have been trying for days not to write that sentence out.  Why because I want you to think I know exactly the direction I want to go.  I have two main topics that rule my thinking when I contemplate blogging….  
The first topic is with pretending and the pain it causes.  Trying to be something we are not.  Wanting people to believe we have it together emotionally, spiritually, financially, socially, in parenting… in life.  When I was young I thought everyone over 40 had it easy.  They were financially secure, they had friends, they were secure in their faith and they had read the parenting manual front to back.  Basically, that they knew exactly what they were doing.
Now that I am over 40 I’m sure that is not the case. 
For most of my life I have put on a mask that fit the people I was with and hoped they could not see through it.  Most of the time they were too worried about fitting in with the fake me to see through my lies…. We try to fit with them while they are trying to fit with us and we never know the truth about each other.  We cannot encourage or help each other through tough times
This happens in all social groups but the one that I have been involved with and have seen firsthand was the Church.  I am a Christian and I believe in God but I do not believe the way we play church is a good thing.  I have heard it said, and witnessed it with my own eyes; churches are made up of hypocrites.  Full of pretending to be people we are not. 
So many people have been turned off of God because of this.  Eventually the people trying to be real are shunned because of their realness.  I say eventually because churches do take in those with “sin” in their lives on the basis of “we can change them” but when the “proper” change does not occur…. Look out.  And if you are a church leader….someone who has pretended VERY well… and the real you is revealed… well… you are screwed.  You will never regain respect unless you put the mask back on and pay your penance.  
In my opinion this is why churches don’t seem to grow…. Oh yeah the faces change… the new pretenders come in and the ones who have been revealed leave… most of the time leaving the faith as well…  It does not have to be this way… And the pain caused by this is real, believe me, I have been there. 
If you have been hurt by the pretention of church you are not alone.   I have lived through it and have come out on the other side with a deeper understanding of what God intended spirituality to be.  I won’t even pretend to have it all together because I don’t but one thing I know is that I am not alone in this.  People are being hurt by this every day.  If you have a story to tell please share it so we can walk this journey of healing together.   And if you are a pretender… it is time to get REAL.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Outsider

I did not realize how hard it was going to be for me to find time to blog every couple days.  I spend a lot of time thinking about what I am going to say and by the time I sit down to write it is all gone.  I guess this is what they call writers block....or scared to death. 

The story begins so many years ago it is hard for me to even remember.... what I do remember about being a kid is the fact that I never felt like I fit in.  I was always the outsider in my own mind. 

The older I get the more I realize that many people felt this way growing up and still feel this way as adult.  It is one of those things we never talk about. 

The things we never talk about perpetuate that feeling of being an outsider.  I have things, secrets, weirdness that I don't want anyone else to know about.  You do too... don't you?

My oldest son told me just the other day.... "Mom"  he said "The only people who are normal are those who hide there weirdness the best."   This is my new mantra when I feel my weirdest because it is so true!

I think it is time we all came clean... talked about our weirdness, this gives others the freedom to talk about theirs... and believe me they have some.   It gives us the freedom to be who we are, who God made us to be instead of fitting into some box that our culture has made for us.

My  challenge to you today.... be who you are, pretend no more

Monday, July 25, 2011

You are not alone

So much on my mind tonight I’m not sure where to start.  I want to go right into the meat of the story but I think I should clarify the purpose for this blog a little more.  (Not to mention I’m a little scared to put it out there.)
I lived through a time in my life when I had no one that understood me, not even me, and all I wanted was someone to listen.  Someone to tell me they had been there and understood what I was going through; someone to tell me to hold on.  To let me scream and cry and laugh at myself without trying to change who I was becoming. 
I know the painful process that is taking place.  It is much like a caterpillar in the cocoon, all alone, scared and confused, in the dark, changing into something God created it to be.  I don’t know if a caterpillar feels pain, confusion, or fear during its metamorphosis but I do know that humans feel pain, fear, and confusion in this stage.  This process takes place in a number of situations or changes in life and we may go through it more than once.  Sometimes the process starts and we stop it, but it is inevitable.  It will eventually happen we just prolong the pain.
I want to be there, even if it is only through words on a page. 
At least you will know you are not alone

Sunday, July 24, 2011

So much to say

Why is it that I feel like I have so much to say but when it comes to starting this blog I am speechless?   I will start off by giving you a brief history…..
I am a lesbian who was married (to a man) at 19, had two children.  Divorced at 22 and lived with a woman that I loved for a year and a half.  Was told that lifestyle was a sin so I left her and went back to him.  Married him again at 24, had two more children, lived a life immersed in conservative fundamental Christianity for the next 15 years. 
I have four wonderful children.  My oldest son, Brenton, is 21 and is in the normal young adult transition of trying to find out who he is and what he wants to be when he grows up.  He is about to embark on a journey far from home and go to culinary school. I am very proud of him.   Michael is 19, going into his 3rd year of Christian College to be a family minister,  he is unofficially engaged to be married, and is working in Joplin doing disaster relief this summer after the tornado. Again I am proud of this young man.    Margaret is almost 14, looks 17, and acts 25 (enough said) and Johnny is 12 going into junior high and is totally stoked for football right now.  Both promise to grow up and be outstanding adults.
I work almost 60 hours a week managing a grocery store and I take on side jobs of painting and finishing drywall in my spare time.
I have a wonderful girlfriend who you will probably hear a lot about.
I like text lingo so you will see some of that in my writing and I love humor so hopefully you have a sense of humor as well. J
I am a 42 year old woman with seemingly 82 years of story to tell.    
My desire to publish this blog come from the events of 2009 in which I could no longer live the “pretend” life that I had been living.  I searched desperately for someone, anyone, to relate to.  I found no one.   I vowed I would be there for others in my position once I got on my feet.  I am on my feet and it is time to tell my story.