REVENGE

Wow… what a day… I told you this blog wasn’t for the light hearted.

I won’t go into all the gory details but revenge is a horrible thing especially when it hurts others.

I admitted in my first blog that I am a lesbian.  Just admitting that makes me a monster in some people eyes.   I don’t understand that.   Why does being gay make you think I am immoral, a bad parent, an unproductive citizen, non-Christian, prone to poor decisions, and a bad influence?  Why?  Do you know many gay people?  Are the ones you know monsters?  You probably know more than you think because they are afraid of the stereotype put on them so they don’t announce it… Nor should they, you don’t go around announcing you are heterosexual do you?

Even if you think that same sex relationships are a sin…. Do you think the same way about obese people?  Gluttony is a sin.  Do you think that all overweight people are going to hell?  Do you look at them with disgust?  Whisper about them…. I have said it many times… we have gossips, alcoholics, gluttons, and porn addicts teaching our Sunday School classes but if you are openly gay… you are not even welcome to attend Sunday service without being ridiculed….

How about you… are you without sin?  Does that make you a bad parent?  And unproductive citizen?  Prone to bad decisions and chaos? Non-Christian? A bad influence? 

For the record, I do not believe that loving same sex relationships are sin in God’s eyes. 

Revenge is what takes place when one person in hurt and they want to get even.  We start out hurt, and then we get angry.  This is the normal healing process denial, hurt, anger, forgiveness.  But we don’t go on to forgiveness…  We go on to revenge…  Revenge does not help anyone, not even the person who is acting out.

“But, just as with hiding the hurt, revenge does not heal the hurt either. That’s because all hurt, at its core, is simply a reminder of your essential human vulnerability and helplessness. Even if you kill the person who hurts you, you still remain vulnerable to another attack from someone else. With all revenge, then, you might temporarily feel powerful, but the feeling is just an illusion. No matter what you do, you remain vulnerable to attack from anyone, anywhere.” http://www.chastitysf.com/healing.htm

Right now my family is being victimized by someone with a vengeful heart… someone seeking revenge for their hurt.  I pray for that person, and I pray for our family to survive this hurt. 

We have already been through so much but I guess they say “God doesn’t give you any more than you can handle”  He has a lot more faith in me than I do right now, but I’m gonna be strong and prove him right.

Would the REAL ME please stand up

Still trying to figure out which direction to go with this blog.  Yeah, that’s the truth.  I have been trying for days not to write that sentence out.  Why because I want you to think I know exactly the direction I want to go.  I have two main topics that rule my thinking when I contemplate blogging….  

The first topic is with pretending and the pain it causes.  Trying to be something we are not.  Wanting people to believe we have it together emotionally, spiritually, financially, socially, in parenting… in life.  When I was young I thought everyone over 40 had it easy.  They were financially secure, they had friends, they were secure in their faith and they had read the parenting manual front to back.  Basically, that they knew exactly what they were doing.

Now that I am over 40 I’m sure that is not the case. 

For most of my life I have put on a mask that fit the people I was with and hoped they could not see through it.  Most of the time they were too worried about fitting in with the fake me to see through my lies…. We try to fit with them while they are trying to fit with us and we never know the truth about each other.  We cannot encourage or help each other through tough times

This happens in all social groups but the one that I have been involved with and have seen firsthand was the Church.  I am a Christian and I believe in God but I do not believe the way we play church is a good thing.  I have heard it said, and witnessed it with my own eyes; churches are made up of hypocrites.  Full of pretending to be people we are not. 

So many people have been turned off of God because of this.  Eventually the people trying to be real are shunned because of their realness.  I say eventually because churches do take in those with “sin” in their lives on the basis of “we can change them” but when the “proper” change does not occur…. Look out.  And if you are a church leader….someone who has pretended VERY well… and the real you is revealed… well… you are screwed.  You will never regain respect unless you put the mask back on and pay your penance.  

In my opinion this is why churches don’t seem to grow…. Oh yeah the faces change… the new pretenders come in and the ones who have been revealed leave… most of the time leaving the faith as well…  It does not have to be this way… And the pain caused by this is real, believe me, I have been there. 

If you have been hurt by the pretention of church you are not alone.   I have lived through it and have come out on the other side with a deeper understanding of what God intended spirituality to be.  I won’t even pretend to have it all together because I don’t but one thing I know is that I am not alone in this.  People are being hurt by this every day.  If you have a story to tell please share it so we can walk this journey of healing together.   And if you are a pretender… it is time to get REAL.