Double Edged Sword

This time of year is a double edged sword for many people… we all have things to be happy about but there are also many memories that cause us to reflect on our lives…. Are we were we want to be? Are we going in the right direction? We might miss someone who has passed,  just moved out of our lives, or  people we want to spend the Christmas season with.  

I left of the story of my life back in “Chameleon” with leaving the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.  It seemed the pressure from my peers and society was too much to bear so I went back to my ex husband.  We were remarried in January 1995.  I made a choice, a choice to live as society thought I should. 

I delved into a live of religion, church and family… trying to leave behind all the things I knew were right.  We had two more kids, I was a stay at home mom, homeschooled, gardened, and took care of him.

I left him two years ago today and I have been introspecting about the questions posed in the beginning of this post. 

Am I were I want to be?  Yes, I am happier now than I have been in my 42 years… I am now the person I was made to be.  Not pretending to be someone I am not.

Am I on the right path? I believe so, life is a journey, are there things I long for?  Yes but I am traveling a road to fulfill those dreams… one thing that age has taught me is that good things come to those who wait. 

Are there people I want to spend Christmas with?  Yes, and I am so excited this year I get to spend Christmas eve morning with all four of my kids… I can’t wait but I also desire a family unit, that special someone to shop with, wrap with, bake with, and build new traditions with.  That is my double edged sword this year but I know it will come in time.

I saw a wall hanging in a store the other day that read, “It’s never too late to live happily ever after.”

 I know it is true…..

This year use your double edged sword for a positive….  Change the things you can change, accept the things you can’t and be content with where you are today because it’s all you have.

The gift of Love and Acceptance

I heard a commercial on the radio a couple days ago that keeps ringing in my ears.  It went something like this.

Someone you know and love may give you the gift of coming out this Christmas season.  Give them the gift of love and acceptance.

It was a commercial for Flint Hills PFLAG (Parents Family and Friends of Gay and Lesbians) http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=539. Visit this site for more information.

It has me thinking about how lucky I have been with my family.  Love and Acceptance have characterized what I have experienced with them.  Does that mean they agree?  Not at all…but they are willing to overlook our difference of opinion to continue to have me as part of their family and for that I am truly grateful. 

Not all of my friends and acquaintances have been so lucky.  Some have been disowned, some have abandoned their families because of the judgment they feel, real or imagined.

There are two sides to this situation, as there always is.  We all have responsibility. 

We tend to think it is not ok to disagree on this issue and still love each other.

During the holidays let’s all respect each other and show love if we agree or not.  Let’s agree to disagree. 

To the gay and lesbian:  Put your need for approval of this issue aside and accept the love your family is willing to give you.   Be respectful of family members in your show of affection for your partner.   Just be who you are, don’t feel like you have to change their minds, prove you are right. 

My sister tells me periodically when the subject comes up that she loves me, she accepts me and my partner, but she does not agree with my sexual orientation.  Some of you would take this as an attack, it would instigate anger, I take it as her loving me enough to tell me the truth.  We have a great relationship; in fact she is my best friend.  We agree to disagree.

To family and friends:   Love your daughter, son, mom or dad, sister or brother, like you did before you knew.  This does not change who they are on the inside.  They are still the person you knew and loved.  They did not just wake up one morning a changed person…they have been this way forever, you just didn’t know.  You should feel honored that they are willing to let you in on this part of their life.  Many people you know live this lifestyle in secret, not willing to suffer the real and imagined consequences of living truthfully.  It is a shame that once this truth is discovered relationships tend to change.

I guess once again it goes back to living a real life.  Not pretending.   Just be who you are.  You do not have to prove a point. And this goes for both sides… Gays and Lesbians do not have to prove what they are doing is right and families don’t have to try to change their loved one…

Put your personal feelings and agenda’s aside and love each other.