Sometimes I wonder

I am having a Sometimes I wonder day. 

I wonder everyday…about something.  Mostly I wonder about people.  A lot of times I wonder “what was I thinking” but mostly I wonder “What were THEY thinking?”  You know what I mean.  People say and do the ugliest things seemingly without a second thought. And apparently without a first thought about how it will affect the people they say it to.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it to put ourselves out there to be the recipient of this type of turmoil and sometimes I wonder what I do and say that affect people adversely.   Most of us are only concerned with how something makes us feel, so I guess it is good to contemplate how I make others feel.

Sometimes I wonder how to affect others in a positive way.  It often seems that nothing I say or do has a positive effect.  I know it does eventually. 

I’m having inner turmoil with just how much influence is enough and how much is too much.  I want to have a positive effect on my children to help them make wise choices about who they surround themselves with.  I based my opinion on my knowledge and my values. This is right. Yes?  

But on the other hand I am the recipient of a mother “warning her daughter” about making wise choices.  She is basing her opinion on what she knows and her values.   So I am the undesirable in this situation; the bad influence.  Exactly how I look at my daughters friends sometimes.  

If you know me at all you know that I learn my lessons based on parallel experiences.  Looking at other people’s lives and trying to learn from them.  When people have an opinion of me I examine it.   Look for the truth in it and make changes based on what they say and what I find in my examination.  In this situation I am having a hard time because I am doing the same thing this “other mother” is doing and I am expecting my daughter to make “the right choice.”   

I have no answers to this situation, so I guess I will go on contemplating but one thing I do know is that this one has certainly “hit home.”

Speaking of hitting home…Its BASEBALL season!!  Whoo hooo!!