Change

It has been a couple weeks since I have had time to sit down and write… now that I do have the time I have too many thoughts and topics swirling through my mind… 

You are about to experience the discombobulated thought process that I do every day!  Lol enjoy!

Changes are on the horizon… oh, what’s new… change is one of the only things that stays consistent in this life; some people hate change while others thrive on it…. I am more of a middle of the road person when it comes to change.  Some changes occur naturally; while others seem forced.  Many times change comes with a grieving process.  Lately I have been anticipating the latter… I don’t like that type of change. 

I have never been an emotional person.  It seemed that I learned at an early age to turn off emotion, to detach from people and material things because they were never consistent or reliable.  I was always in protection/survival mode.  In the last two years I have tried to let myself feel (sometimes to my own demise) and I do not like it one bit!!  I would rather be the “always happy” person.  Feelings do not work that way unfortunately….

I have come to realize that some days I am just not gonna be up and happy, some days I will feel down and contemplative.  I do not like those days, I tend to over analyze, try to figure out what has got me down so that I can fix it! 

I am a fixer.  I can fix you… I can fix me… I can fix the world…. Hahahaha… in my dreams!

Fixing isn’t always possible but healing is…. I have people in my life now that let me be who I am… who let me talk about what I am feeling without judgment, without taking it all personal,  that is a change!   A change I do like but it is gonna take a lot of getting used to!