The Journey part 1

A question was asked of me this week by a faithful lady.  I was going to answer her privately but have been lead to share with all since it is a common question.

She wrote:
“It was always "black" and "white" with me concerning homosexuality and the Bible until you and then ____. I knew both of you well enough to know your hearts for the Lord and to know that you genuinely love the Lord. So, that's made me start thinking. I'm not concerned about the O.T. verses on homosexuality because I know there are many things in the O.T. that were having to do with the times and that we don't follow.
But. how do you feel that it's not a sin when the N.T. says it is? How are those verses explained? Like I said, I'm truly interested in what you have to say."

Many people have this question.   I did too.

I have no easy answer.  No short answer, but in the next few posts I will try to explain some things that I have found in my journey.  Things that God has revealed to me as the truth.

I always knew I was different but didn't understand it.  I spent many years trying to find the piece of me that was missing or being deeply hidden.   I acted out sexually with men, I got married and had kids, I got divorced.  In my early 20’s I finally understood what the missing piece was in my life but was told it was wrong, ungodly, that I would go to hell if I lived this way. I got married again thinking that either I, or God, could MAKE it go away.  I couldn't, God didn't!

In 2009, right after my 40th birthday I came to an end of being able to pretend to be someone I wasn't. I spent the last 6 months of my 14 year marriage crying and praying for God to make me what I thought He wanted me to be. What I thought the Church wanted me to be.

Praying, crying and writing it all out in a journal daily, feeling like I had gone crazy.  Begging God to show me the truth and restore my mind back to the point before I was so torn.

So started my journey….

The journey of finding the truth about homosexuality.

1. There is no "Black and White"  Grey is everywhere, in all situations.  We all see things differently, in differing degrees of good and bad.  Every person has their own journey, their own perspective, and their own agenda.

Broken Glases

Writing re-visited.  I wrote this in 2011 and as I read it this morning it resonated with me. Today's edits are in green.

Have you ever tried to look through someone eases prescription glasses?   The world takes on funny shapes, your stomach turns a little, and your feet don't hit the ground exactly where you thought they were going to.  I'm sure you have heard the expression "looking through rose colored glasses", meaning seeing everything in a good and positive light.  We all have our own pair of glasses on some are rose colored, some are the wrong strength, some are so dark we can not see truth.  Some days it seems i am seeing through broken glasses...

The life we have lived, the people we have encountered, our own internal voices, and our current situation all affect the way we see things in our lives.  We don't always realize it because the color or the strength of our glasses change so slowly that it seems normal and we don't realize we are not seeing reality.   We can not change how our lives have been altered in the past by people and situation,  we can not change how we view life.  We also can not change the way others view life because of the glasses they wear.

When glasses get broken we know it immediately...  one little scratch, bend, or smudge can alter our view in an instant.  So it is with life, one little incident can show us immediately that we are not seeing reality.  Sometimes we choose to ignore the broken glasses and continue to look through them, over time we become accustomed to the flaw and don't even notice it.   

Eventually our eyes get tired,  strained, and we decided it is time to do something about the broken glasses we are wearing... so it is with life.  We get tired of doing the same things day after day expecting different results.  

I, my friends,  am tired of the eye strain... I am worn out with all the glasses I wear that don't fit anymore.  Life it to short to live in a vicious circle of making the same mistakes over and over.  Its time for a change!  

Isaiah 55:6-9   "Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near.  Let the wicked forsake his way, and the evil man his thoughts.  Let him turn to the Lord and he will have mercy on him, and to our God and He will freely pardon.  For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord."

Help me to look through the eyes of the Lord.

Life has a funny way of bringing us back around to cleaning our glasses of the smudges put there by time and experience.  Although today my life is much different and the turn it took 3+ years ago was for the positive there will always be a time to see through clear lenses and see through the eyes of the Lord.  

Christ died for ALL!

Yes I said it and I believe it... Christ died for all. Some would lead us to believe that He only died to save certain denominations, sub-groups, races, etc. but I have it right from the Word of God that he died for all who believe. 

Righteousness Through Faith
21 But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25 God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26 he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
27 Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. Because of what law? The law that requires works? No, because of the law that requires faith. 28 For we maintain that a person is justified by faith apart from the works of the law. Romans 3:21-28

And more than that... Justification/Salvation are a matter of the heart, not the label we put on ourselves or others.

 Easter is a very important time of the year for Christians. We proclaim that our Lord has been crucified, buried and Risen from the Grave. And we believe that he has endured the Cross to take away our sins, that we may have everlasting life.1 Corinthians 15: 20-22.  

These texts and many more like them have no hint of qualification for being Christian, for gaining eternal life through the death and Resurrection of Christ, apart from belief in Jesus Christ.  A matter of the heart...

A matter of the heart my friends....unfortunately many hearts have been damaged and made to believe that they are unworthy of the Love of Christ.

I am speaking directly to those of us who have been damaged by this judgement when I say You are Loved!  Christ wants you to believe,  He wants to know you.  He wants you to know that your sins are covered and there is nothing you can to that will separate you from the love of Christ.  Read Romans 8:31-39

Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture Romans 8:35 The Message

Happy Easter everyone.  Rejoice in our Savior knowing you are LOVED!

Faith, Freedom, and a Law about Neither

I was going to write a blog today but I think she about says it all!

I am not what I would call a gay rights activist. Maybe more of a civil rights activist. 

She is right when she says where will this end! Freedoms in this country are getting fewer and farther between. You take my rights away to gain your own and soon yours will be gone as well. 

As the Bible says.... None are without sin. Not One. Will there come a day when we can refuse service because we THINK someone is alcoholic? Gluttonous? Lying? They look like they might steal something? Muslim? all in the name of Religious Freedom? 

Read the blog by this wise woman and take her challenge. You don't have to be gay or pro-gay marriage to know that this legislation is wrong. SPEAK OUT TODAY

Gay Cheeseburgers in Kansas: Faith, Freedom, and a Law about neither

The Grinch Who Found Christmas

One of my favorite Christmas stories is “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” by Dr Sues.  It always reminds me of the true meaning of the Season.   Christmas is a season not a day.  It is a time of the year to reflect on how we treat others, those that are the closest to us, all the way to total strangers. 

Narrator: Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville - did not. The Grinch hated Christmas - the whole Christmas season. Now, please don't ask why; no one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. Or it could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all... may have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But, whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood there on Christmas Eve hating the Whos.

Just like the Grinch most of us just want to feel a part of something, to be loved.  In our busy lives we tend to look over people or treat them as if we don’t care about their feelings.  Causing their hearts to shrink.

On our search for the perfect gift we treat clerks and sales people with complete disregard or even with a little rage when we can’t get what we want from them.   In our homes we forget to show love to the people closest to us.  We should remember we can’t buy love.  Even the perfect gift doesn’t take away the pain of cross words, of short tempers, of the feeling of loneliness even in a crowd.   It does not make the heart grow.

Grinch: How could it be so? It came without ribbons!... it came without tags!... it came without packages, boxes, or bags!

Narrator: He puzzled and puzzed till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. Maybe Christmas, he thought... doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps... means a little bit more!

Narrator: And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say - that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then - the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two!

My challenge today…. Show someone…..everyone that Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Show them the love shown to you that day Jesus was born.

16-18 “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him. –The Message

The Middle

     Every life situation has two prominent points.  Points in which we seem to remember the most, like quotation marks in a book they mark the beginning and the end.  Sometime the middle is somewhat of a blur with only bits and pieces remembered and sometimes remembered differently by all involved. 

    

   Today will mark the end of Julie’s battle with cancer.  Last week she had her last treatment.  Today she has the power port removed.  For those of you who don’t know, the port is placed in the body so that the patient doesn't look like a pin cushion during a time there is a need to put chemicals into or take blood out of the body repeatedly in a short period of time.  

   

   This is also the end of the year.  Christmas is upon us and soon after that the calendar will flip and we will be rushing headlong into 2014.  Most every ending has a beginning that follows soon after for better or worse our lives are filled with beginning and endings.  Many of them overlapping and taking focus from others. 

    

   If you are like me you find yourself anxiously awaiting and yearning for the end of a time just so you can experience the next.  What I find is that the anticipation for the end also takes away from enjoying the middle.  The middle is where the meat is.  The middle is what really counts.  If there is one thing I have learned this past year it is to live every day as if it were your last.  

Enjoy the Middle!

The Face of Death

Hello friends… it has been a while.  In my last post I wrote about the speed bumps of life and the fact that one had just jumped out in front of me while I wasn't paying attention.  Maybe you are wondering what that speed bump was and maybe you aren't.  Those of you closest to me already know that on September 11^th Julie, my best friend and partner was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer. 

I had never had close dealings with cancer before therefore I didn't have a clue what to expect.  As some of you know once a diagnosis is made things move quickly.  The last 4 months have been a whirlwind of change.  By September 24^th, our 1 year anniversary, she was having her first round of Chemo treatments.  They called one of the drugs the “red devil.”  It lived up to its name.  She had four treatments, one every two weeks and they knocked her off the radar for the duration.  Since then she is on a different treatment every week for 12 weeks which isn't nearly as bad.  Yesterday we hit the mid-point; only 6 more treatments and then surgery with possible radiation to follow.

The whirlwind seems to be slowing down and I actually had a couple hours this morning with not much to do.   I am a doer.  When I am not doing I am thinking….and that isn't always a good thing.

I wrote in my last post that I knew blessings would come out of this “speed bump” and they have. Julie and I had dated, seriously, for a year when she was diagnosed but none of her family or friends knew for sure that we were a couple. (Which is why you have not heard a peep about her before now)  We were always together but kept the intimate part of our “friendship” away from them.  Sure a lot of them suspected something was up but we weren’t admitting anything.  Through this look into the face of death it was decided to stop pretending. (I know, I know, I preach that pretending is not good for us!)

What we found was love and support.  We can speculate that if the big C word had not been involved the support would have been less, but I like to think that being the great gals that we are lent to the acceptance.   There was resistance and denial and a little hostility at first from some family members and rightly so, especially since I moved in right away after them finding out.  The move was not planned it was out of necessity.  The financial burden of Dr. bills for her and me trying to care for two houses and moving the kids back and forth was weighing us down and putting unnecessary stress into an already stressful situation. 

All in all, I can say that life is good.  We will beat the cancer and we don’t have to live in secret anymore.   I guess it just goes to prove one more time that being who you really are, not trying to hide or having anything to prove, is the best way to be loved and accepted by the people who matter most in your life.  Hopefully major issues don't have to happen to make this possible for you.